Son of GOD!

a middle aged off duty cop walks around video store and he notices some dark/metal/goth kids staring at him as they stare away.)
Cop: "You fucks are sick. You know that. I hate people like you. You are Animals"
(walks over to emo looking clerk behind counter and gives him a movie to rent. the
emo kids gives him a snobby look.)
Cop: what? You think you're better than me cause i like action movies?
Video clerk: No. I don't have anything against action movies as long a they're done well.
Cop: Done well? What do you mean by that?
Video clerk: Good story, Writing, and Acting.
Cop: What about Commando?
Video cerk: Well....
Cop: Well what? You didn't like it?
Video clerk: Not really
Cop: Not really huh? Ok (cops looks around. awkward silence. then suddenly he looks up at video clerk) WHY?? (uncomfortable silence)
Video clerk: (Shrugs) I don't know. It just seemed Cheesy.
Cop: You know.. you're a little fucking prick, you know that? Huh?
Video clerk: (laughs uncomfortably) sometimes.
(cop lunges over counter attacking the clerk at scene cuts to black.)

Many moons Later.

CUT to: (Phelix Poindexter and his assistent Loomis Pockrus at Cops house
looking for something)
Phelix: I'm addicted to Drugs
Pock: Why?
Phelix: I don't know.
Pock: Oh. huh. well maybe you should find out so you can quit.
Phelix: I don't want to quit.
Pock: You don't?
Phelix: Nope.
Pock: Why?
Phelix: Who knows.
Pock: How did you become a P.I.?
Phelix: One day i went to work for a detective and the next think i knew i woke up and i was a P.I.
Pock: Oh yeah.... (confused)
Phelix: But i fell back asleep.
Pock: Huh?
Phelix: Listen we will talk about this later ok? ok? so... what are we doing here?
Pock: Solving a case. You're kidding?
Phelix: NO. what are we doing here?
Pock: Where?
Phelix: Here!
Pock: Solving...
Phelix: Solving or cracking a case.. Yes i know, but why?
Pock: Because someone hired us?
Phelix: Why?
Pock: I don't know.
Phelix: You don't know? Then our work here is done. Lets go home.
Pock: Huh?
Phelix: We are done. Lets go have dinner. I'm hungry.
Pock: But....
Phelix: What are you in the mood for?
Pock: What?... wait. What about the case. I mean what about getting paid?
Phelix: We are not getting paid.
Pock: Why?
Phelix: I don't know.
Pock: What?
Phelix: (turns to pock) Look, if you don't know why he hired us for the job then why or how are we supposed to do it properly?
Pock: Don't ask questions?
Phelix: Then go home and go to sleep. No questions? What are you doing standing here?
Pock: Cause i want.. cause we are on a case or an investigation.
Phelix: But you... Without questions. No why are you standing here?
Pock: Listen mr. poindexter.....
Phelix: Phelix
Pock: Phelix.... you are confusing the hell out of me!
Phelix: And you are confusing the hell out me as well. You wanna dance (walks over to sterio in living room) I'll put on some music and we will dance ourselves silly. Maybe then we won't confuse eachother anymore. Maybe we will bond. connect and then connect the dots whatever dots we are here to connect.
Pock: Together?
Phelix: Together. Seperate.. Whats the difference. It's all about joining brainwaves. Chemistry, loomis, Chemistry!

NIghtmare Country: Episode 31

SV -"i don't give a fuck, i don't want a truck
I want a car
i want to drive drunk live from the bar
i want light it up and be the biggest star.
i wanna eat mcdonalds till i shit
i wanna pimp hoes with a bicycle kit.
i don't let them bitches suck too much from my tit.
been smokin' some donkeyshit , wanna hit?"

manager "um... that shit just ain't sick enouph"

SV "ain't sick enough?? how bout' i Slice and dice yo ass"

manager "i don't think that would be very ideal for me"

SV "of course not but if you don't cut that shit.. this
vick's gonna get sick and twisted. (slicing knife
emerges from his arm. ) and yo bitch over there
iz gonna get whipped and fisted"

manager "don't talk about my wife that way. she paid for the
studio"

SV "cut this shit, flip or i am gonna take a dip in her
puss and dip a slit yo neck with mr. slizzle
motherfucker!

manager "dude calm down... who are you"

SV "what the fuck you mean"

manager "you came in here to throw down some fresh lyrics.
i thought... i mean. i don't.... i like your stuff but who are you?
you think you can just waltz into the studio and bust some rhymes
and i am just gonna cut it.

SV "whatchu tryin' to say. I ain't got beats"

manager "i don't manage white wanna-be rappers who think
they are serial killers... You don't even look like a rapper. you look
like you play punk... old school punk"

SV "what? you discrimatin'? but your right... i ain't no rapper. i sing
country bitch! ... i'm just doing some off the cuff huff and puff for some
extra cash know what i'm sayin."

manager "ok... you need to leave"

SV "leave? ah man... don't say that... DAmn it... you saying i ain't
no good!"

manager "yeah... i'm afraid so...."

SV "fuck that shit!" (swings mike out of the way approaches manger. manager
thinks he is joking with semi-confused smile on his face) whachu smiling about.
shit i like your style... smiling cause you ready to go."

manager "go"

SV "you know what i'm talking about"

manager "haha yeah (realizes SV is not kidding when SV get closer to him) uh
honey.. call the cops.... hurry. go call now!!!!!

SV "wait hold on" (stops just before he gets to manager... he thinks for a minute and then
a smile comes to SV's face.)

manager "uh... your just"

SV "kidding? naw man... i jut realized i gotta pretty fly meat cleaver out in the car.
i just bought at wal-mart. i'll be right back" (SV turns and jets out door to his car)

manager "have you called the cops? (his wife nods her head as manager runs to his
office to get his gun) "this guy is fucking nuts... (in office looking going into drawer to get his gun....
and out bullets in it he remembers.) oh wait...shit... . (yells to his wife from office) honey!
run go lock the door. do it before he.... (loud screams from other room. manager runs into
studio room and there stands SV with a bloody meat cleaver) "where's my wife"

SV "she's dead" (his wife wakes up confused on floor) "Almost" (swings down at her
with cleaver) "there we go"


CUT TO: guy driving up to studio next to SV's CAR. Man walks up to front of
studio when suddenly shots come blasting through the front door. Man is shot once
in arm and falls to the ground. He gets out his cell phone and calls the cops as he
ducks out of the way. He goes around the back of the building. sirens are heard in
the background. Suddenly as man walks to back door the door is kicked open knocking
him to ground behind the door. As the door closes the man fades unconcious as he
sees a man walking off with meat cleaver in his hand... SV disappears around corner.
scene fades to black.

CUT TO: ZOO MILLS smoking a ciggerette as he coughs he puts it out then he takes a
takes a swig of cough syrup. He walks up to scene next to older man.

Zoo "hey dad.. what's going on"

Dad "oh hey zoo... how you feelin'?

Zoo "fucked up"

Dad "yeah.. i'm sorry... i hope you feel better but yeah.. we have a double homicide
and by the looks of it... well i don't know why? it doesn't make any sense. looks like he used
a meat cleaver or something.. i don't get it. another god damned psycho... I hate this shit.
i'd rather be dancing to zulu music... this is really not my line of work "

Zoo "yeah ok dad,,,, you've been doin' this for 30 years... very funny. "

Dad "no really. this is fucked up. real fucked. i don't like this.

Zoo "who does?"

Dad "This sicko Obviously does"

Zoo: " do you think it might be that serial killer"

Dad "your obsessed with serial killers. you watch too many movies.. maybe your the serial
killer.. i wouldn't doubt it... you and all your sick movies...

Zoo "dad... that was when i was ten or something... come one..."

Dad "exactly... desensitized too young.... way too young... i swear."

Zoo "so what do you think?"

Dad "what do i think... um... i told you i haven't clue... in fact i am gonna put you on
this shit and go home and kill myself quick...."

Zoo "what? stop joking!"

Dad "stop joking??? ... you know what.. fuck this. no one takes me seriously anymore"
(dad pulls gun from his holster and commits suicide.)

Zoo: DAD!!!!


CUT to funeral of ZOO's DAD

Preacher "he wasn't a happy man... but lets pray for him anyways... our lord in heaven...."

Hot Summers Day

(woman, Pamela, is smoking a ciggerette and talking on phone while
her son Scooter moaps around doing dishes in the kitchen.)

Pamela: (On phone talking with drug dealer on the other line)
"thank you sweetie. yeah ok. of course. (laughs) I'll have my
boy wait outside. bye bye. (Hangs up phone and then yells for
her son) Scooter. (Scott ignores her) Scooter. (yells)
SCOoTer!!!

Scooter: What??

PAmela: (Walks over to him and plops down a wad of cash next
him while he washes dishes.) I need you to go sit outside and
wait for someone. When they get here, you give him that money
and they have something for me. Here, i'll finish the dishes.

Scooter: Why can't you do it?

Pamela: Don't backtalk me. I gotta get ready. My Boyfriend is
coming over soon.

Scooter: Which one?

Pamela: (gives him evil look) I gotta get ready. Go on now.
Listen, if you do this, i'll share some with you.

Scooter: I don't smoke crack MOM! I'm not a crackhead!

Pamela: (puts his hands on him in a sexual way) When was
the last time you got laid?

Scooter: I'm a virgin.

Pamela: Well, we can change that. It'll be our little secret.

Scooter: (disgusted) Your SICK!!! (He grabs the wad of cash on
kitchen counter and storms out kicking open the screendoor.

Pamela: Oh come on sweetie.. Don't be such a grump!

(Scooter storms across lawn and sits in a lawnchair in the
middle of the yard seething with anger in the summer heat.)

Cut to: (Pamela walks over to the Cd player and puts in a
Heart CD. She turns it to the song "Barracuda". She sings
along with it and dances back to the dishes. she looks out
of window in front of sink as she does dishes shaking her
hips to the music. she dances around living room. Her excitment
is sky high cause she knows her fix for the day is on the way.

Cut to: (Scooter)
Cut to: (her dancing around)

Cut to: (Scooter sitting)

Scooter: Fuck this shit!!(He gets up and throws money to the
ground. Pamela, while dancing and doing dishes, looks up and
out the window and catches him throwing money down. An Absolute
Horror comes over her face. She yells to him through window.
She then runs over to the screendoor, opens it, and screams
for him to come back!)

Pamela: Scooter, Scooter!!! Get back here! Scooter! Get back here.
(begins to have a breakdown) You can't do this to me. (money blows
around in front yard into street and neighbors yard.) YOu little
fucking shit!!

cut to: (Scooter walking off down sidewalk in the distance.)

cut to: (Frog and Jamie drive up in a black cobra camero. They see Pamela in the front yard having a meltdown.)

Frog: Fuck that! keep going. I hate that fucking Crackhead! (They
Speed off. Pamela just watches them not stop and drive by. Her heart
skips a beat in shock.)

Pamela: Wait, wait!! (picking up money blowing around screaming.) I
have money!! Wait...Wait (she falls to her knees and begins going
into the fetal position as she sees they are gone for sure. she is
crying her eyes out.)

Cut to: (an older balding man, neighbor, across the street from her house shakes his head at her shameful behavoir and goes back into his house shutting the door behind him. the screen fades to black and the song "hot summers day" by david laflamme begins to play as credits begin to roll.) 

Gilbert and Quinlan.

Buck: Dad, I'm gay and there's not a damn thing you or anybody else can do about it!

Dad: oh yeah.. Well i'm gonna start hacking up people left and right and you know what..there's not a god damned thing you can do about that kiddo unless, of course, you shape up and start eatin' some pussy and quit being a fag!

cut to: an agent "Gilbert Goldberg" sits across from filmmaker "Quinlan Masterson" in an office. Gilbert throws down a script entitled 'Sliced and  Diced' on the table.

Gilbert: This is Horseshit! This is God Damn idiotic Horseshit! Tell me where you come up with this crap. I'd like to know.. actually scratch that. I don't want to know. That has got to be the worst, if not THE worst, god damn script i have EVER read! Time and time again i've bankrolled your films cause i knew they had some kind of audience somewhere, but not this one.

Quin: What are you talking about? What's wrong with it?

Gilbert: What do you mean what's wrong with it? A guy going around hacking up women and children and god knows what else because his son likes to nibble on balls? Are you aware of how monumentally ridiculous that sounds?

Quin: It's fresh. Ridiculous maybe, but it's funny.. I mean come on Gil, People will think this guy is so outrageous!  

Gilbert: (Pauses for a minute in silence) First of all, it's not fresh. Every time
i've put up the money for one your films it's always the same... Some psycho slasher fella running around loose dismembering folks for some loosely, and i mean loosely, based on reailty reason. Second of all it's a proven fact that people just don't like your movies.

Quin: Some people love my movies! I got the best director award at the Cincinatti horror film festival in 96' when i was only 18 for christ's sake!

Gilbert: That was when you were 18 Quin. Ten years ago.. besides we both know that was a fluke but it doesn't...

Quin: A fluke.. well then why did you..

Gilbert: Don't interupt me! The fact is critics don't like your movies and the die hard horror fans that you have created in your mind that exist "out there", even they only halfassedly do.. so my friend i ask you.. Where's the profit?

Quin: It's not about profit. It's about Art!

Gilbert: (laughs) Oh is it.. You really think that shit is Art? I'm serious, you
really think those movies you make are Art?

Quin: WEll yeah.. I mean there are many forms of expressing what can be considered as art.

Gilbert: I agree with you Quin, But I DON'T AGREE WITH YOU!!!

Quin: Obviously you don't understand.

Gilbert: Your right. Take your script home, toss it in the garbage, and write me something that moves me.. something that garners at least a little critical acclaim.

Quin: I don't need my films to have fucking critical acclaim.

Gilbert: Well i do so get on the ball!

Quin: This is my life your talking about. Your ruining my Fucking flow!

Gilbert: Good! cause your (makes quote gesture) "flow" is absolute shit!

Quin: Your gonna regret this. (gets up and walks out of room.)

Gilbert: Oh what.. you gonna go home, grab an ax out of your garage, come back and whop my head off like one of your sick fuckin' horror heros? (Quin walks out of room and door shuts behind him. Gilbert presses button desk to talk his secretary) Sara, sweetie will you do me a favor and make sure security sees that Mr. Masterson leaves the building and is not to be let back in under any circumstances.

Sara: Sure thing Mr. Goldberg.

Gilbert: Thanks... my little angel. (Spins his chair around looks out of the
window.) Lord why do you do this to me? No, Really why? 

The Weedeater Man!

(guy is listening to a guy taking on tape while he works on a sign on a ladder.) music begins: low "for whome the bell tolls" by metallica

cut to: (woman watching the muppets. suddenly she hears her daughter screaming from her room. The woman gets up franticly and goes to her daughter's room. Her daughter is sitting in front of her computer typing something and talking in gibberish. Her mom looks around the her room sking where her medication is. Her daughter responds in gibberish. The woman gets frustrated at her daughter and seeks around the room not being able to find her meds.)

cut to: (The woman is escorting her daughter outside to the car where she discovers it has two flats. They flag down an old man driving toward them on the road. The mom gets in front of the oldsmobile to get the old man's attention. the old man too short to see over steering wheel runs her over. All her daughter sees as she becomes suddenly quiet and calm watches her anxious mother being run over by a hat driving a oldsmobile. The Old man feels the bump but is so oblivious just keeps driving. The daughter walks over to her mom who is lying near dead in the middle of the street. Her mom in her last breath whispers to her "sullivan saves" and then she dies. her daughter not quite understanding her writes it off due to her mom's highly religous nature as "don't you mean jesus saves? mom? mom?", shakes her and realizes she is dead. she then walks across street into the park and on as shot stays wide on park and her walking into it the music becomes louder and credits roll at explosion of sound in song.)  

Cut to: (she walks up through park as music lowers and credits end. the music morphs into sounding like it is coming from a camero in which couple of guys are leaning against in the park parking lot where the dazed girl arrives at. The two guys are detectives undercover looking for any clues to some teen girls who had gone missing the week before. One of the bisexual cops first hits on her much to the gay partner's dismay until they realize she is obviously lost in some way. she points back toward her mother. she is dead. they don't understand. they follow her back to her dead mom. They call ambulance. They ask her who had done this. She tells them a Hat did it. They don't understand. She tells them over and over that a driving hat did it. They respond "you mean a hat that was (gestures holding stirring wheel) driving?"

cut to: (guy opening up manhole from below and peeking out. he sees two teen girls swinging on swing in park. he looks around. He slowly creeps out and leaves manhole open. He is wearing an old ladies hat, a black trashbag as a skirt held on by rainbow hippy belt over some old thrift store MC hammer pants. He has on green welder's goggles. he approaches the two girls on the swing. They are talking about boys while listening to fiona apple on a portable jambox and suddenly realize they are being watched at close range. They see that the strange looking man is carrying a weedeater. He revs it up and begins to approach them. they realize he is definitely coming for them. The music they are listening to slowly goes from jambox to score of movie. They look over and see the detectives way across on the other side of the park. They themeselves were undercover as bait. they realize they must bail quick. they look over at eachother and give eachother a knowing nod and then they begin to swing and swing higher and higher until they both take turns flipping completely over and and out of their swinging seats as they are swinging back away from approaching psyho. once they land on their feet they both dash through park wooded areas to other side with the weedeater man hot on their tail. with a few near misses, they barely make it to the edge where they see their partners in the sting drive off with confused girl from afar only to be snatched up by the weedeater boogeyman. he grabs a puffy green gun attached to his leg under the trashbag skirt and shoots two darts filled with some kind of liquid hitting one in the neck and the other in the leg.. the girls proceed toward edge of park but pass out before they can get to road and flag somebody down. the weedeater man baggs them both and drags them to the manhole where he tosses them down into the sewers and follows behind shutting the manhole behind him with a gross sleazy smile on his face. the music plays on jambox in background.)
 

Cut to: (old man driving up to his house crashing into pole holding up porch. he hobbles out of oldsmobile. he is about sees the damage and kind of laughs. his head is bleeding. he realizes he forgot the dogfood. He notices his tire is flat. he curses car and smacks it with his cane. he then begins walking up extremely steep hill to nearest gas station for dog food. he is around 90 or maybe even 100 years old. he is fragile looking and blood is gushing from his head, but he must get the dogfood and a pack of smokes. that is his mission.) 

 

going, going GONE!!!!

(A young man, Parker, runs into a backyard full of junk. He is running from some punk gang. An old man, Barn, is swinging on a swing reading a book entitled "christ is near" while he fiddles with an hatchet in one hand. Barn is reading the part about the mark in the shap of an apple behind the ear as a sign of christ. Barn sees Parker run into his backyard. They make eye contact. Parker gestures without talking a plea to not say anything as he quickly pulls top off of metal trash can and crouches in and pulls top back over. The old man notices a mark behind his ear. His evil glare quickly turns into a wink. Suddenly three psycho punks also brothers, Whip, Skip, and Flip run into Barn's backyard.)

Whip: Hey man... you see a dude come through here?

Barn: Yeah.

Skip: Well???

Barn: Well??

Whip: Which way did he go?

Barn: Oh yeah.. He's ah.. his in that trashcan there.

Whip: Flip, go over there and get that fucking bitch! (Flip walk over to the trash can and goes for lid when suddenly Barn swings an hatchet at him cutting his hand clean off.) What the fuck!!

Barn: I never said you could touch a damn thing around here did i? thats PRIVATE PROPERTY!!!! (Flips hops around in pain) You boys think you can just do whatever you want. Where's your manners?

Whip: Fuck you Old man!!.. Shoot him Skip! (skip pulls gun from denim jacket, points it at Barn and shoots. Then suddenly Skip's ear is blown completely off. They look at Barn in a daze) How the fuck???

Barn: I was in the War. Gotta METAL CHEST!!! (laughs) get the hell outta here before someone loses something else!

Cut to: Parker inside trashcan. He hears bullets fly and all kinds of chaos and screaming as the trashcan wobbles around. Then suddenly it all stops. The lid comes off of the trashcan and it's Barn looking down at him.

Barn: Hey there kid, how you doin'? 

Parker: Are they gone?

Barn: Oh yeah they are gone alright. One of em didn't make it though. He's all over the yard. If you don't mind (pulls Parker out of can) I would like your help picking up the pieces. (Parker looks out over yard in horror)

Parker: Uh...yeah.. sure.  

Barn: Come on, lets hurry. i'm guessin' there will be more to come. We gotta hang some of these parts up on the front porch, By the way.. My name is Barn...What's yours?

Parker: Parker

Barn: Parker huh... well parker.. it's nice to meetcha, but from now on your name is Jesus ya hear.

Parker: What? Jesus Christ!! what the fuck is wrong with everybody!!!

Barn: Hey don't be taking your own name in vein kiddo.. That aint right!!

Parker: But.....

Barn: Come on we ain't got much time. We gotta get the show on the road. My wife will be home soon. We all need to sit down and figure out what we are gonna do over a nice hot turkey.. Unless of course your in the mood for some leg (holds up a leg from one of the punks and looks at it licking his lips. Parker becomes sick!) Oh i'm just screwing with ya, I don't eat folks raw.... i'm a good christian. I cook it first!